Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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