R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
