we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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