I puked a lego.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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