I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i believe in u and ur pee
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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