they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
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He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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