If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
