I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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