I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
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started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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