Just took my morning after pill in the library
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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