Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
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Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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