this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
