I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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