So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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