My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
