I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My apartment stinks of burning failure
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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