Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
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Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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