Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO