i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I want is dick and wine.