seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
