so that wasnt chicken after all
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.