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Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
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