I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.