i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
