i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
