Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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