If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You took a bar mat shot.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
