dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
