Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
