my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
bring money and cleavage
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
