Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
