Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
