I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
