So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
are you so shy because you have an std?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
