My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just pynch a tree in the face
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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