return my video game
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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