god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
