Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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