you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Less talking, more tequila
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
