Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
