Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
