remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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