I must be too annoying 4 u.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
