so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
