I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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