NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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