Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
