is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Everything about him screamed your future.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
