Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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