just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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