so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
