He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Randomize
