: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
