Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
