Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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