Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
