What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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