I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Never underestimate the power of titties
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