It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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