I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
