So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize