why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
