For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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