Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
