we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is Oprah even human
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
