god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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