Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
