I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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