ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
