I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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