is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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