she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
