after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
