I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
