we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
