I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
